Sunday, January 10, 2010

Snow, Cold and Love

It seems the winter could last long this year. It has been 20 years since the snow and the frost lasted this long.
The white cover makes the world beautiful. It's so nice to feed the birds now. Watching them from inside is so relaxing. This weekend I was planning to visit my boyfriend, but due to the weather alarm I stayed home. Other parts of Europe has been given more snow! It's OK here. No complaints.

A lot of changes come up. The company who provides my caregiver has decided to quit the care given to support people living by themselves with autism. That means that I have to change coach. I must say goodbye to my coach for 2 years. That's a pity. She knows me well and we can get along well. During the past weeks we have been busy selecting a new caregivers agency. Now I have found coach, one which will start on February 1 st. So far I am confident things will be okay. I have made goals to reach.

Another change might come up, but after winter. We have decided to seek treatment for my agoraphobia. My world has become very small. My fears might have gone worse after I moved to this tiny little village. This is no solution. There is so much more in life. Living with fears is very exhausting. I think it's about time to take this next step. I am ready for it now.

My bf is very supporting and will help me whenever he can. Living in a bigger city might be a trigger to deal with the fears. My boyfriend and I have made up an Excel-document with the pro's and contra's on living here and elswhere. It's now a matter of finding the right place to live. Possibly this will be in the same place as my boyfriend lives. It's in the same district where I grew up. Finding the right place to live is, as you can read in other blogposts, a matter which came upon my path long time ago. But in 2010 it's time to make a decision.  

That "being afraid of making the wrong decision thing" might create fears as well. It kind of paralyses my mind. My bf understands it. The words:  "One-life-Live- it" are major keywords to describe my boyfriends attitude towards life in general. He is one of the best things to have appeared in my life for a long time. Things are OK between us and we slowly learn to share our lives, although our homes are far away from one another and we want to keep our place and privacy. Yes, I am ready to take this step as well. 2010 will be my year! *Sigh*

Having Aspergers and being agoraphobic is not always easy, but there are many blessings in my life too. Like the love I share with my boyfriend. "One life. Live it.". Those often used keywords show his attitude about life. He is very positive about what one can do despite being disabled.  He is one of the best things to have appeared in my life for a long time. Things are OK between us and we slowly learn to live a life together, although our homes are far away from one another.

Seeking agoraphobia treatement and the house moving thing means lots of things are to be experienced in the next months. Not all will be easy, as not all will be too hard for me. That's life.

Greetings from a cold and white Frysia!
Take care

If you are interested to know, we did have a very quiet X-mas together. We watched a DVD on the sofa, like a real family. New Years Eve was good too, although we did not managed to stay awake till midnight.


isles said...

It was neat to see your picture a couple of posts ago. Glad to hear you are doing so well and optimistic about being able to cope with changes in the upcoming year!

Anonymous said...

Like your post and your blog. I am Aspie too. Do you know the book:

"Asperger Syndrom and Anyiety" A guide to successful stress managment

Maybe it could help you to overcome your anxious.

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