Thursday, September 25, 2014

Well, I am still alive. Been busy. Getting older and that means different questions about life. Over all I am doing OK. Ahead of several important choices. Life is a crosspoint at this time. Asperger still is a thing I have a love/hate relation with. My book wants to be written, one can best listen to one's inner voice. So, I keep on writing. Take care.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Hello there, It has been a while. Been busy with lots of things. I have done quit some things for the first time. Most of them turned out to go well. That is great and encourages me to explore new horizons. Still thinking about the design of this blog. Recently started writing again. The writing process is fascinating, but one must get routine, and most important, create time and a good place to write. That's all for now. Take care. Be back soon hopefully. A.Bird.

Friday, February 01, 2013

January has brought me lots of happy hours walking in the cold outside, watching the birds to fly over. Been busy finding new voluntary work, and it seems I had success. In a cultural setting nearby my new home town. I write a lot now. That is good. When I write, I feel like I run like Rudisha or Pistorius. My thoughts are with the Steenkamp and Pistorius. What a tragedy! my life ars of my life. And in the middle of those years Asperger's came upon my way. The sun just came back. Wohoo! Go back editing my writing now take care

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I know some links in the header of this blog do not work properly. I hope this will be fixed soon.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Heaven and Stars

Luckily, I have not been affected by the flue (so far...). I had a few quiet days. The discovery that my new sofa is a perfect spot for a nice nap after a long walk in the cold outside, is a good one. Last weekend I watched 'Stargazing' on the BBC tv. What a great show. Science and Stars: once again I realised how relaxing figures are. Now I look upon the skies above before dreaming about heaven. It has been busy day, need to recover from some heavy sensory overloading issues. The best thing to do now, is to cuddle up in bed. Goodnight everyone.

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Under construction

This website needs a new template, I decided. So, the site is under construction. Sorry for any inconvenience. Thanks for dropping by.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

It has been a day full of making plans and turning some of them into reality. It was a good day to meet my coach. Having a little evening meal before heading to bed. The word of the day: Light: days are getting longer, the light is coming back. Take care, see you tomorrow. Thanks for visiting my blog!

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Happy New Year!

2013 has arrived! I wish you all the best for this year. May all your dreams come true. I will keep up exploring new horizons. My main goals this year are a. gaining weight and b. write a book. Both aims have been long term goals. It's time to make them reality! Last night the sky was filled with too much noise and I choose to go to bed early. The start of 2013 was relaxed. WORD OF THE DAY: JOY- despite Autisme one can have joy in life. I bless my ability to enjoy myself. There are many people who can not have fun on their own. How lucky we are! Take care, I try to write every day this year!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

A new home! A new beginning!

Yes, after years of writing about it, I finally have moved. From the countryside to the city! Within minutes walking distance from a InterCity train station! Woohoo! I am so happy now! And more news to come, I will let you know.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

May 2012. The past weeks I have dealed with some heavy sensory overload. Now finding the balance between doing nothing and being a victim of my own hyperactivity. Been taking photographs yesterday. Bought the book by Temple Grandin about thinking like animals. Wow! She knows to tell a story. Off to bed now, and read some more. Take care and thanks for your comments.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

April 2012

It has been Autism Awareness Day again. April, 2th counts as one of the most remarkable days during the year for me. Sorry I did not blog on that very day. Ofcourse autism was on my mind anyway ;) So if you are one of those people wanting to get more information on autism, perhaps you have a child diagnosed with ASS or are you slightly aware that the difference between you and other adults, may have its origin in autism, welcome to my blog. I hope it can help you increase your knowledge about autism. Speaking for myself, the years after my diagnosis have been the best so far I guess. The puzzle of being different was solved. I can now full explore my identity. Which is not easy as there is no such thing as 'the general' autism identity. Sometimes I feel quite lost when I feel there seems to be less solidarity among people with autism as I want to be. Well, so seek solidarity is a part of my search for harmony. Recovering from a broken childhood, having felt as a misplaced teenager, growing up into one of those alone walking adults in the park, being there at times people go to work or take care of their family: that has been my life path into a adult woman with autism. They say, the grass seems to be always greener at the other side, but that is not true. It was destiny to get this life, I can not complain about it, I am not someone else, I am just me.As long as my special interests do not take over the harmony feeling created due to my own deeds and talents, it's ok. Bye for now. Currently I am working on restyling this blog. So you know. Be prepared. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Take Care.

Saturday, February 04, 2012


The outside world looks like a fairytale. Bright blue sky, lots of snow. Watching skaters along the frozen waters here is such a pleasue. The last weeks lots of things happened. My fear for traffic has become a minor fear. It is indeed true that every day practice is a way to overcome a phobia. I train my brain, I reconsider what to think. This afternoon I came across a path which has been difficult for me. Instead of getting grip by touching the hedge of a garden, I just walked past it freely. It is amazing if you walk there and realise that you have come so far! I am very proud of myself. But we are not here yet. Yes, when I am stressed noises can overwhelm me and make me feel small again.

It has almost been 10 years now, and there is no answer yet to the question of Asperger hacker Gary McKinnon from the UK, will be extradited to the US. It must have been hell for him and his family. I was happy to participate in a so called tweetstorm to highlight this case once more. Let's hope searching for UFO's will not be rewarded with a prison stay in the US. No one benefits of a mentally broken Asperger.

I try to figure out more about special interests. Some time ago I made a special interest handbook, in which I schedule the different stages of a special interest. As you might now, one of the typically characteristics of Asperger or autism in general is a special interest. Mostly used as a manner to handle and reduce stress. Information makes me calm. Give me some train details and I can easier cope during a stressful day with lots of social contacts. I am looking for more information about the way women with autism/Asperger handle this. I would like to hear from you, what do you do to prevent you loosing yourself into the sub reality when your special interest takes you too far away from your daily structure. Please let me know. I try to find a way to cope with it myself, and extra information which I can add to my selfmade guidance to special interests are very welcome. It is like writing down a personal users manual ;))

I hope you are all doing fine. Since the old Autism Hub has been replaced by a new one, I unfortunately lost contact with many blogs I used to read.

Will try to write more soon. Take care all

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

stop sopa

As I am strongly against SOPA, this blog will be black/ invisible for 1 day. Starting now.I Hope to see you soon!

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to you all! As I have done before, I am gonna try to write here on a daily base. I did sleep during the change from 2011 to 2012. Well, to be honest that was not a bad thing...;) This way the sensory overload was reduced. Well, I have to go to bed now, otherwise my ritm will be broken. Take care all of you!

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Autumn 2011. After a long and wet summer, we had some lovely summer days with high temperatures this week. What a way to start October. Later this week storm is expected and autumn will finally begin. The two pictures, made by myself, illustrate my life now. I enjoy and share love with a new boyfriend. Sometimes you need to close your eyes and let all things happen. The second picture shows that one has to start his own engine to get the best result out of the 'windmill' of your own life. Take care.

Friday, August 26, 2011

August 2011

Summer 2011 has brought many pleasant things, despite the rain I managed tot make some nice trips around the country.My new computer works very well, and working on it gives me many pleasant hours. It is fun to be able to create e.g. a new header for a weblog.

The agyrophobia seems to have become less. That is really good.
We, my therapist and I, have now found out that the sensory overload and the fears for traffic, mainly have such an impact because of my living situation.

Living in a small village with few hundred inhabitants I must find a way to handle the transition from silence to noise. I was raised in the western part of this country, in a suburb with all facilities nearby. After a few years of living in this-shopaholic friendly-town (you can save money here, there are no shops...), I can really feel the difference in what I was used to handle on sensory overload then and now.

Every time I go to the city, my brain now needs more time and exercise in order to handle the increased traffic and noise. The sensory overload will become less after a few minutes. It is important, as it is for all people with autism, to find a way to cope with this overload whil surrounded by traffic, lots of people etc. It is another thing perfectly suitable to make a aspie style plan for! ;-)

So this weekend I am gonna visit a big town, and try to handle stress step by step. Take a break when it is necessary. You might say this is easy but often I neglect my autism or I am so busy watching everything I forget to eat!

Rain has stopped, thunder went away, sun might shine now. Time to move on.
Have a nice weekend! CU soon! Take care!

Sunday, June 12, 2011


Yes, I did remember this blog ;). It has been too long since my last blog post. Lots of things happened. Still going strong and improving my quality of life. Life is wonderful. Will write more soon. ZZZ here. Goodnight world.

Friday, March 25, 2011


Pride is the thing I these days wear with me when walking on the street. It is true: when you have fear for something, it can be very useful just do that thing what frightens you most! With the help of my therapist, I can see clearly progress on my battle against agyrophobia. New streets, new parking spots come upon my path.

I really enjoy the upcoming spring time. Yes there are still plans to move, well we just see what will happen. Meanwhile, I enjoy my life being single again, although I miss my former boyfriend every now and then. We still have contact as we want to stay good friends.

Well, that's it for now. Take care, bye.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Spring, a new horizon

We have shared many beautiful moments together. But sometimes one needs to continue his own way. After 1.5 years a beautiful love story has come to an end. I thank my former boyfriend for all the love, inspiration and much more he has given me.

Time to set a new horizon. Each day I am grateful for my freedom. Think about all those people worldwide, abused, locked up and treated inhumane. Bradley Manning in prison for over 280 days now.

Speaking about solitary confinement and autism, for me it is clear that the loneliness felt inside is often related to my Aspergers. But do not feel that sorry for yourself having autism. Unless you are physically disabled too, we have the ability to walk around freely despite our autism. There is a world outside worth to be explored. Walk in the light and do not let the dark side of autism get you down.

There is a lot which can be done to serve and improve the world and its people. Do not forget to see the hand reached out by others in order to help us out. Take care.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Pink Pink Bird

Pink Pink Bird, originally uploaded by Canon550Lover.

Not to be ignored, please take care of a Pink Bird!

Not dull

Not dull, originally uploaded by Canon550Lover.

Stormy weather outside, life can be good inside while computing...;)

Friday, February 04, 2011

First Try

Canon 550 eerste serie 017, originally uploaded by Canon550Lover.

One of the first shots made with my new camera!


This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.

Saturday, January 22, 2011


It has been already far too long since my last blogpost.2011 is the year for me.It has given me so far lots of new experimenten.Today I drove on the highway again, that has been long ago.My years on crossing the street become lese.Cleaned my home,got rid of lots of extra ballast on my computers.
These is a website I would like to remmend to you, the name tells this is another online community for people on the autism spectrum.Lease join,you are most welkome and it's not such a big site as Wrong Planet.That's it for now.Back zoon.Take care my dear followers <3 ..Please Support WikiLeaks too!

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, my dear followers! I wish that 2011 may bring you lots of joy, friendship, love, romance and moments you feel connected with other people, no matter in which way that may be!

After a great short break in Berlin it is good to be home again! In Berlin I had the chance to use my brand new photo camera a lot. The pictures I made are said to be awesome! It is really nice to watch all those people passing by and to make pictures of them!

These days I might have developed another two special interests, my camera, Stieg Larsson's Millenium trilogy. All very exciting!

Try to blog some more this year! My former bf and I had a great time in Berlin, we rented an appartment in the city centre, near the main railwaystation. Cheap, clean and comfortable beds! So if you need a place to stay in Berlin, contact me.

The traffic handling in Berlin went very well, due the snow sounds of traffic seemed to have reduced. That was very nice! It was so cold in Berlin, minus 13 degrees Celsius....brrr...

For now,sleep well!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Autism: Lifelong Solitary Confinement?

It's always a great pleasure to see the amount of people following this blog has increased.Thank you my dear followers, please let me know if you miss something I should blog about.

As Julian Assange - heaven thanks- was released from prison last week, he spoke about his nine day stay in solitary confinement. People with autism can be seen as potential prisoners in their own lifelong solitary confinement I think. We have freedom of speech, freedom to walk around, no bail needed to explore the outdoor world. But somehow autistic people are locked up in their own mind, not to be able to share things, express their deepest inner feelings and many more. Just a thought.

Soon one of the world's most famous cities will be visited again! My ex-bf is coming with me! Happy with this! Happy X-mas everyone, and c u soon.

X-mas will be special once more!

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Autism’s First Child - Magazine - The Atlantic

Autism’s First Child - Magazine - The Atlantic

He was the first person ever to be diagnosed with autism!! Now he's 77...

Someone has sent me the link to this article, it's about the first person ever to be diagnosed with autism. See the blogpost on top of this page! Very very interesting. Thanks for sharing this article!
You know who you are ;-)

Saturday, December 04, 2010


December morning
Too cold to get up
Lay down for a while
Thinking about a new day to come

Every morning I wake up
pure and fresh
and then
I realise
I have Autism
Another day with sensory overload, mental chaos and question marks all over....
Somehow every day its a struggle, just for a minute and than it's ok

Because I can not live without my autism
even If I would
So I carry on
put my Aspergers in my rucksack again
and move on
into another promising day
That's my autism

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Light in the Darkness

The past week I realised how stressful things have been lately. For months lots of serious things came upon my path. It was useful to deal with them. Now, finding my way to a new beginnning, my focus is set on finding Light in the Darkness. It's time to think things over and realise that what life is about.

These days I have to deal with a special interest. After having the life experience in dealing with special interests, I know now what to expect. Somehow everytime this phrase of Aspergers shows itself with all his beautiful but also dark sides, I keep surprised by the impact this special interest might have. It is like a knock down, strangely enough a knock down which makes me get lots of extra energy.

As we call those autism related special interest in Dutch "Fieps", my "Fiep" seems to hide some other things. The "Fiep" might relief the pain caused by the broke up. What my surrounding concerns there seem to be no reason to worry about me and my "Fiep". Yes, I know coping with a "Fiep" can be exhausting, but so far I eat normally, have a good sleep at night and enjoy life offline as well.

My former boyfriend is someone I will always care for. We will remain good friends.

I hope you are all doing well. CU next time.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Yes, Weekend. Lots of reading and thinking to do. Depends on the weather what's up to do. Might do some training on street crossing. I have created a new habit on walking through the park a few times a week. It eases my mind to walk and do some thinking as well. Perhaps new habits are a way to deal with the loss of both bf and his child.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

New Beginning

It has been a while. Sorry if you stopped by here once and not found a new posting. I regret to announce that what has been a wonderful, loving and 14 months lasting love affair has come to an end. My boyfriend and I have split. No feelings of hate, it just had to be this way. We hopefully can remain to be good friends. It is strange to loose a stephchild and in laws this way. Sad. Both families were happy with our partners. Well, they say, evevery time a door is closed, a window has opened somewhere else. Autisme and loving can mix together, I know now for sure. Emotions were intense during the last week.

Been working hard on my therapy. As I walked down the city today it seemed being occupied with all thoughs on our break up, my fears had almost gone. Perhaps one needs a certain level of stress to make fears go away ;-)

Will link a twitter account to my blog. So you can follow me there as well. Hope you are all doing ok.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

October 2010

Autum brings us lots of beautiful things. The trees begin to show their colours, the woods seem to be places to discover many hidden treasures. I love this time of year. We make many long walks. It seems a time of changes is coming up. Bf has been told his job almost certainly might be discontinued. Insecurity rules. We try to keep positive and each step in life might bring new opportunities despite the crisis. The hardest thing these days is to cope with insecurity. This all costs lots of energy. I try to support Bf as much as possible. He shows he is grateful for this!

Meanwhile my agryophobia treatment (agyrophobia is the fear of crossing the streets)continues and further progress has been made. Slowly I lean to deal with the different ways one can look around being on the pavement. I now regulary practise crossing streets, even with my coach. She notices things in my behaviour I was not aware of. Interesting. Being a modest person I now learn that overcoming this agryophobia has to do with being more assertive. Try to take your place, before someone else does. Life is all about taking your own place. If you do not take your own place, someone else will take two places...You might just fade away..
You can't just be someone else. It is you dealing person dealing with these fears, no one else.

If others might overcome their fears, I can do this too! I find it hard to accept my Aspergers related sensory sound and speed overload. It is not easy. I would love to be not different in that way! There are already so many ways in which I am different from others. It makes me sometimes lonely and sad. But I refuse to give up and end up like a zombie never leaving my home. Learning to cross streets in a 'normal' way (what is 'normal' anyway?) is ofcourse a major aim of this phobia treatment. But how realistic can this be, considering my sensory overload due to my Aspergers?

Don't let fears hold you in your own prison. There is always a door open, although entering this door might ask very much courage. Behind that door there is a world, worth to be explored. Recently I visited a farewell concert given by the Norwegian band A-Ha ('Take on me', remember the videoclip?)Life is fun.

The therapy called life is not always easy and exposure to what one fears most can feel frustrating and lonely. And what about the crowd I see passing by on the streets, crossing streets like they have done this for ages...I do not see their inner life, I can not see what problems they have to face. Despite my fears on the street, I very often travel and visit people. This afternoon a bookcrossing event is scheduled. Looking forward to be there! After having done the worst thinkable thing, the smell of succes is overwhelming and asks for more.. And well, you know, living life means to learn, uh?!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Ok here we go...

Well, the news about bf's job seems to be not OK. A lot of changes might come upon our way...Let us first have a good night of sleep! night night

Thumbs up!

After months of no news, today some news will come up about bf''s job. I keep my thumbs up! Please think about us! Thanks!

Sunday, September 12, 2010


Time flies. It's amazing how many things can happen in a lifetime and yet how small every taken step might sometimes seems to be. The results show once more that therapy can be a real good investment.
One of the main things is to learn that the way you feel not always is the right way you can see things in a situation. E.g. I have the idea that having autism, no paid job might mean that my life is less useful than others...A dangerous idea I know. It does not help you to get more self confidence. By looking at my self destroying thoughs on being useless I learn that the way you feel is not always trusthworthy. Your sens might get you down down there, even there is no rational reason for. Self confidence has increased and more and more busy streets are no longer a nightmare to handle. Yesterday I made my way through the busy city and crossed some streets extra just to exercise.
We all are very happy with this result. We continue to take do to the exercises which now seem to be very easy. What happened further more here, well another birthday came up. My jobs still continue to be very nice. I do quite some new activities to broaden my horizon. Bf is doing very well, he continues to surprise, inspire me. I can not wait to be able to share his interest in photography. I really look forward to share making photographs by walking in the woods this autumn. Hope you are all doing OK. Recently I had to change coaches again, the new one seems to be someone with quite some knowledge on autism. That is very nice. Sorry to say, but I have given up cycling for now...

Monday, August 16, 2010


Another day to exercise. Step by step things are getting better. I am able to see more while outside.It is funny how much there is left to discover as one looks more carefully.In case of a phobia, it is amazing how much you can win by changing your point of view. From your inner darkness towards the lights in the world around you.Yes, found the way back to self confidence!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.3

Thursday, August 12, 2010

August 2010

It's been a busy summer. Seen lots of things, done many social activities with others. All was fine. There is always a thin line between a lot and too much. Finding a balance is sometimes difficult. If you do not keep your own borders in mind, the fall after having done too much, can be a tough one.

Bf is doing great. We keep going fine and make time to do other things as well. The therapy started again, what can it be difficult to change your thoughts on things. There seem to be so many thinking habits. It is interesting to find out what the use of one single word can do. Take for example the word NOT...Considering this word it is quite obvious that NOT often has a negative sound. What a difference it can make if you replace NOT by YES.

Take care everyone. Bye for now.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Summer Moves On

While our country is in winning mood because of the World Championsship Soccer 2010 Final in South Africa tomorrow evening, summer brought hot temperatures and fantastic summer days. Been to the beach today, I hope I can sleep tonight because of my now red coloured skin.

Meanwhile love is doing great, he is a real friend and as a partner I keep discovering new insights. We can talk very well togheter and we have lots of fun too. Yes, being Aspie one needs to find a good balance between energy demanding and energy giving....

Therapy has summer holiday. I keep on practsing. Wanna write more on this blog next months. Hope you are all doing fine. Enjoy Summer.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

One Life. Live it. Dare!

Because of a weak balance/bad locomotion I have not dared to cycle for about 13 years. Every time I tried, it turned out to be a drama. While busy expanding my views on fear during my treatment against agoraphobia, I suddenly got the motivation to cycle again.

So, I now daily practise the art of cycling for about 10 minutes every time. It is important only to do exercises which will go ok, this in order to increase self confidence. A bad experience now, like falling of my bike or so, might expand my fears. So, in the middle of this tiny little village cycle. Among the famous Dutch meadows with that special sunlight and clouds things. It is so great to be able to cycle again. So far, I can make it till the end of the street...Every little step counts. You only have one life. Don't let fears take over your dreams. Just do it!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

The goal of this blog, The value of the autism hub to me.

In my humble opinion it might be time to make clear what I think is the meaning of this blog. As you might have noticed the 'old' website has been closed down for some time. A new listing of blogs might appear on the soon to open new version of Considering the fact that possibly my blog might not appear in the new version of the autism hub, I now strongly feel the need why I joined the autism hub.

For several years I was confronted with Aspergers Syndrome. Soon after the first acknowledgement I might have Aspergers I started this blog. Ever since it has been a pleasure sharing thougths, things with you all. My goals for this blog  was to inform you about my life, being diagnosed being an adult.

The value of the autism hub, the way I knew this site until this very day, can not be overrated. It has been very special to be involved in an international mix of autism bloggers. This hub created understanding and friendship and make me realise life with autism can be ok.

Last year, when mr. Right was still looking for me, there was more time to write blogs on a more regular, even during a certain amount of months, daily base. Writing blogs has never been a boring thing and I can easily think of many autism related things to write (once) (more) about. Please considering the fact that English is not my native language. This makes writing blogs sometimes difficult. I apologise for my sometimes not correct English.

A 'new' autism hub means changes. I wonder if my blog has been rated good enough to stay on the list! Keeping my fingers crossed! ;-)

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Belgrade, the aspie way

Having a great time  during our first holiday together.  

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Easter Fun and Pride

This easter is special for me because I celebrate these days in the presence of my boyfriend. He keeps surprising me with his smartness, kindness, caring, loving and rational way of living. We had a great day with his daughter. Afer she went back to her mum, we decided to have a walk through the city. We went to the central station here by train and made a one hour walk back home. It was an intensive traineeship for me, cause we had to cross many streets with a few really busy and complicated traffic situations. Lots of noise and lots of cars and high speed...

My wonderful bf said he could see and feel the difference (we walked hand in hand) comparing to last week. One can not make a phobia disappear at once and we noticed and discussed some serious points to work on, but we managed to reach home safely. I tend to avoid having eye contact with other traffic participants. It's seems there is a fear I can not translate their intention into something which makes me confident drivers will obey the rules and stop for me, being a simple pedestrian. So the eye contact making thing is a study object.

We saw many good things today and my bf was happy seeing me doing better already. It is just a Gods given miracle having met this man. I know I can overcome these fears all by myself and it is important not to give fears too many space to keep you hostage. Not only it affects your life, but it also affects your partners life too.

Another step ahead. With the long summerevenings to come, this can only get better!
Take care

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Self Training on Agoraphobia (2)

Yes, I did it again!! Just got home, it's half past eight in the evening here. I went for a short walk round. Did not take the same route as yesterday, well when you live in a 4 street village, you sometimes come across the same streets ;-)). I noticed again that keeping my tongue up improves my ability to walk in a line straight ahead. The tongue feels like a central point in my body. The tongue becomes the major centre of stability, instead of my feelings or thoughts (brain). I noticed other things around here than yesterday. I am so proud of myself.A kind of adrenaline stuff comes up, feels like heaven! It is almost addicting, as this brand new feelings are much stronger than the fears. The fears seem to have been defeated by a relaxing kind of mood things. Yes, I can!!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Self Training on Agoraphobia(1)

Because you have only one life to live, and sooner or later one must battle against the monsters of terror created by your own mind, I decided to start doing some exercises to defeat agoraphobia.
Some years ago I attended some seminars given by Pieter Frijters, a well known Dutch counsellor who has created his own method to fight fears and phobias.His site says it all. Ofcourse this man has written a book about his method. During the last weeks the fears got that worse that I hardly could see any light at the end of the agrophobia tunnel. Medicine, more medicine, no, I do not want to ease my pain that way.

So I told myself, "OK, Aspie Bird, it's all in your hands now, you have to be your own coach, let's start today, just what Peter Frijters writes in his book, start doing things, step by step and do things daily. I just got home from my adventure nr. 1 bringing a letter to the mailbox. One of the golden rules in order to reduce fear is to keep your tong up, so you put you tongue against the palate. This makes you feel stronger. You can test this yourself by asking someone else to kick you, if you keep your tong up you tend to stand, if you keep your tongue low, lying between your teeth, someone else can easily make you fall when they kick you.

So rule 1. keep your tongue up.
Rule number 2 is to widen your point of view. If you look around and notice things while walking you might become surprised about the many things  you did not notice about your neighbours garden or car numberplate till now. I just counted cars and colours and numberplate numbers. And I kept saying to myself: my eyes tell me that there is no fear here at this moment, so why should my brain tell me otherwise. Or why should I listen to my brain. This is the inner dialogue which makes your brain active. Don't believe everything your brain translates into fears!

Rule number 3 is to decide where to go and to have a point of destination. I now want to reach that tree, see ahead. I am very proud now because with using those three rules I was able to walk more secure than I have done in months! I must admit this whole experience was exhausting, one can say I have done some mental exercise.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Spring is in the air!

Let me first tell you how touched I am by having 50 blog followers! Thank you all. I try to post more often.
Maybe it's not necessary to write much every time..

The agoraphobia therapy has not started yet, however it seems the waiting list could be less than I expected. Just have to wait and things will be ok. It's time to learn how to deal with sensory overload caused by traffic. It just makes my world becoming smaller and smaller. After the winter, spring is in the air now. How I love gardening!

The last weeks have been busy and once again life and death are just round the corner. Those things make you realise that whatever problems my asperger may give me, there is a lot in life to be grateful for. Life and fun do belong together too.

Hope you are all doing well. Take care.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Changes & Dreams

A lot of changes seem to make their entry in my life. Yesterday I said farewell to my support worker. After having shared many things, we are forced to end our business contact. It's all a matter of money.
It's strange. We shared thoughts about the past two years and dreams about both our future together as we had a farewell drink yesterday. Life goes on. I have already met my new support worker. So far she seems to be a good choice. Changes however, do effect me deeply. Yes, I am an Aspie :-). I try to find rest in doing lots of other things like the bookcrossing things. I really like it and it's an adventure to prepare books for future travel around the world. I recommend to you all! The books I use for bookcrossing are used books, often bought cheap in a second hand store. And there are many people who are happy to get rid of their old books..

Dreams about the future are related to the subject of fear. Being an Aspie I can clearly think of the many changes that fullfulling my dream to live elswhere will bring. Will it all be a benefit? Things will never be perfect I guess. My aim however is to make a step forwards instead of backwards. I once again received news about a possible home somewhere in the big city in another disctrict of the country. It all has advantages and disadvantages. With the help of my gorgeous boyfriend and my support worker I will try to make lists. List with sorted out what I really find most important about where to live and my life. Things will be ok. It is just a matter of dealing with the journey called life path. Moving forward is good, new and dreams will be different. It will be fine after all.I am confident it will be.

There has been no special interests for quite some time now. That is really good news. It feels good and it creates rest. Last week I started to write my book about my life with and without autism acknowledgement. Positve attitude towards autism is important. Keep you eye open to the world and stay in touch with others. If you don't you will loose yourself and create an obstacle to develop your own identity. Autism is not the worst thing in the world. We are different, but blessed with many talents. Just like anyone else. Take care!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Snow, Cold and Love

It seems the winter could last long this year. It has been 20 years since the snow and the frost lasted this long.
The white cover makes the world beautiful. It's so nice to feed the birds now. Watching them from inside is so relaxing. This weekend I was planning to visit my boyfriend, but due to the weather alarm I stayed home. Other parts of Europe has been given more snow! It's OK here. No complaints.

A lot of changes come up. The company who provides my caregiver has decided to quit the care given to support people living by themselves with autism. That means that I have to change coach. I must say goodbye to my coach for 2 years. That's a pity. She knows me well and we can get along well. During the past weeks we have been busy selecting a new caregivers agency. Now I have found coach, one which will start on February 1 st. So far I am confident things will be okay. I have made goals to reach.

Another change might come up, but after winter. We have decided to seek treatment for my agoraphobia. My world has become very small. My fears might have gone worse after I moved to this tiny little village. This is no solution. There is so much more in life. Living with fears is very exhausting. I think it's about time to take this next step. I am ready for it now.

My bf is very supporting and will help me whenever he can. Living in a bigger city might be a trigger to deal with the fears. My boyfriend and I have made up an Excel-document with the pro's and contra's on living here and elswhere. It's now a matter of finding the right place to live. Possibly this will be in the same place as my boyfriend lives. It's in the same district where I grew up. Finding the right place to live is, as you can read in other blogposts, a matter which came upon my path long time ago. But in 2010 it's time to make a decision.  

That "being afraid of making the wrong decision thing" might create fears as well. It kind of paralyses my mind. My bf understands it. The words:  "One-life-Live- it" are major keywords to describe my boyfriends attitude towards life in general. He is one of the best things to have appeared in my life for a long time. Things are OK between us and we slowly learn to share our lives, although our homes are far away from one another and we want to keep our place and privacy. Yes, I am ready to take this step as well. 2010 will be my year! *Sigh*

Having Aspergers and being agoraphobic is not always easy, but there are many blessings in my life too. Like the love I share with my boyfriend. "One life. Live it.". Those often used keywords show his attitude about life. He is very positive about what one can do despite being disabled.  He is one of the best things to have appeared in my life for a long time. Things are OK between us and we slowly learn to live a life together, although our homes are far away from one another.

Seeking agoraphobia treatement and the house moving thing means lots of things are to be experienced in the next months. Not all will be easy, as not all will be too hard for me. That's life.

Greetings from a cold and white Frysia!
Take care

If you are interested to know, we did have a very quiet X-mas together. We watched a DVD on the sofa, like a real family. New Years Eve was good too, although we did not managed to stay awake till midnight.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Yes, The Netherlands has been given a snow treat as well. This tiny little village has been isolated from the outside world since last Thursday. Well, it's not that bad, with some preparations and low speed we managed to reach the supermarket yesterday. It seem this cold weather effects many of us, from what I hear or read from the world news. Besides the beautiful white panoramic views over the country I noticed that, due to the snow I tend to feel less sad about winter. Winterblues or so. Public transport has been cancelled for some days now. It's said we will have a white X-mas. The first since 1981!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thank You Life

Just wanna let you know that things are doing well here.
All I want to share with you is that Life is good
Sometimes My Asperger's does cause pain
But tell me who is free from pain during life these days
I am blessed with my inner strength,
inspired by the beautiful people who love me
I love them too and I cherish the moments we can share life.
Life is good, life is what you make of it.

During this winter no plans to move elsewhere
Just doing my voluntary work
and realise how vulnerable all things and people are.

Autism is not a prison. It's an inner world full of possibilities.
You just have to see it.

Thank you Life, for these present days filled with harmony and love!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Time to love & learn about love and life

First of all let me tell you everyting is doing fine. Being used to be single, it is quite strange to be involved in a relationship now. He is very caring, sweet, smart, understanding and we have quite some common interests.
His life during the last 5 years was quite different than mine, but that is OK. We can learn a lot from one another. And besides that, love is now and to love one person is to life with his present life. I must learn to deal with typical relationship things. In a way he has more experience with this as he has been member of a family with children. We are doing fine and when things do not go that well, we talk it over. I can feel we enter another stage of relationship now. We talk more and more and we are more aware of the outside world now. At least I am, I can not speak for him naturally.

Today I have made him shy as a schoolboy by sending him flowers to his office...Yes, red roses....Afterwards he called me to say thank you. He was happy and touched by this surprise. This made my day! It is not difficult for me to give, it is hard for me to receive his 'Thank You'... Well that is life, one has to learn about is a perfect way to live and learn about the real world.

Beside the love thing there are plenty of things happening in my life now. No, I have not made any concrete decision about where to move (should I buy a house or rent something and where I am gonna live). I trust everything will be ok. First let's see what this winter may bring.

In a few days time a new edition of LINDA magazine will be for sale. In a way I am glad that all this stuff because of this article will be over. Let's get back to normal. My bf is very proud and so am I. But life goes on...

Hope you are all doing well. Please realise that having a relationship having Aspergers Syndrom is possible, as we are just as caring people as anyone else. We, people with autism, may even be more loving than others. But that is a personal opinion. Do with this what you want. Bye for now

Friday, October 30, 2009

Glossy Magazine Fotoshoot Part 2

FAQ 1: What is the magazine about?
The magazine is production of well known Dutch tv presenter and actress. I have never met her personally. ShWe is one of the leading TV personalities in The Netherlands. FAQ about my contribution to this magazine. The magazine is now Holland's best selling glossy magazines with 110.000 editions sold each month.

FAQ 2. What was the subject to talk about?
A. Loneliness.

FAQ 3. How did they find you?
A. A journalist had posted a request on a internet message forum. In a kind of way this message board subject of lonely people in The Netherlands was set up as a result of the general discussion after the Queens Day incident. A lonely man, who could have been your neighbour, was capable of doing such a horrible thing (he drove into a crowd of people and 8 people, including himself were killed)..The interview was given by phone and the fotoshoot was June, 26th in the city of Amsterdam.

FAQ 4. What is the interview about, what do you tell ?
A. It is about me living in a very small Frisian village which is too quiet for me. Most families here have children and I do not. After my burn out I moved to this place, now I want to get out of here. I have some contacts with other people e.g. I have an 88 year old friend with whom I just love to talk about life. While doing my shopping on Friday at five o'clock I feel lonely looking at all those supermarket trolley's filled with family things. In order to cope with this I buy myself a chocolate pudding with cream.
It's a general interview, short and just easy to read.

FAQ 5. What has this interview to do with autism?
Well, strictly spoken has my contribution not too much to do with autism. I have chosen not to mention in in the interview because I did not know how they would translate this into the article. However, there is a strong link between autism and loneliness shown in this article, as, how bizar it might be, 3 out of 5 woman interviewed do speak about autism!!!
One of them is a 37 year old woman who recently was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, one mother of a young son diagnosed with Asperger's and an elderly lady who is the mother of an adult son who was diagnosed with autism.I will post the whole article tomorrow, the pictures are just touching I think.

FAQ 6. Why do you post this here?
Because there is a link between autism and loneliness shown in the article. And because I am so proud to have done this. My self confidence has increased knowing I can be so beautiful!

This is the picture I want to share with you, it's one of the pictures taken during the photoshoot:

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Update! Autism and Travel, Love.

Been away for a while. I apologize if you came here to find there had been no update. The Love thing is doing well, LOVE gives much energy and adds a golden touch at Life I think. He is so caring and sweet and has much to offer me.I slowly come down to earth and realise that normal life continues...

You might be interested to find out that- after such a long time of hesitation where and how to go on vacation- I finally choose Vienna, the city in which my grandmother was born, to be my destination. I booked a complete group bus tour with Half Board. The group counted about 40 other persons, mostly elderly couples. Yes, a group. Yes, away from home all by myself.

Vienna itself was wonderful to see, I will post some pictures here next week or so. Ofcourse the group thing was quite stressful, but things went fine. I decided to be open to some group members about my autism in order to explain my fear of traffic and crossing streets. (Well, I know there are many people with autism who have no problems crossing streets and therefore one can not say that this fear was caused by autism. It can be related, but those fears and autism does not have to go toghether) Anyway, the response I got from other group members and the busdriver/tourleader was great! After having explained why I could not eat in crowdy dinner rooms, they arranged for me that I take away my dinner to my hotelroom! WOW! That was great.

I was the youngest passenger of this group. Sometimes I was supported by others walking down the streets of Wonderful Vienna. It was a great relief people were so friendly.This all was very touching!

During this group tour I decided to get much sleep and much rest as I needed, so I did not hang around in the hotel lobby and slept very much. That was the golden rule I think that made this tour easier for me. Otherwise there would have been more stress.

Some other news now...

As you can see my profile picture has been changed. This picture was taken during a photoshoot last June. The fotoshoot was to complete an article about loneliness. The magazine involved is the country's nr. 1 Glossy magazine (110.000 magazines sold monthly)This picture is not the picture which goes with the article, probably because I look too happy...

Will tell you more about the magazine tomorrow! Promise!

Bye for now
As the return trip from Vienna towards home lasted 3 days you might imagine I am kind of sleepy now...

Monday, September 28, 2009

It was fine...

The first date in years has resulted in a very nice meeting between two people. Yes, the magic click was there. We had plenty to talk of and afterwards there were another 1000 questions to ask him.

So, we decided to take things slow and become good friends...
After a week of intense emotions it feels good life returns to normal, however I must say my daily structure and inner rest has been disturbed in a strange way by all this.

No one will take away yesterdays experiences, whatever the future might bring.

Between butterflies and both feet on the ground. Yes, he knows about my ASD and understands. It was very sweet of him to tell me when he noticed I wanted to be on my own for a while at the end of the date. He told me he could see that on my face....That is good!

Meanwhile several projects are still there to be continued.
Yes, the mattter of moving into the real world again (away from the country side) and the question wheter I go back into education or not...

To be continued.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Yes, I am Dating again! HAPPY

Many many times I read and heard people talking about romance telling me that things will come upon your path as you do not expect them to do so. So, here I am now, telling you what the others already knew, Yes, the love thing "could happen" if you are not digging for love too hard.

Yes, I am dating again. This could be the first serious relationship after I got diagnosed some years ago. Things went very fast. Must tell you I do not know him in real life yet, but that will change this weekend. Execited but nervous. He is cute and understanding and has a life of his own and does understand what Asperger is like. In a way I just like taking part in this romance thing but on the other hand I can fully imagine living my life just the way it was before. is a video to say it all for now...

Monday, September 14, 2009

September Monday

Yes, life has returned to normal. Although there are of extra activities this week, this may end up as the normal schedule. Hope you are all doing fine. Recently my thirties ended and now I am just a beginner at 40 years old. That is strange. Feels like leaving behind the young and restless days. Over the last weeks there have been many nice activities with friends, family and so on.

Today I have to find out how to deal with an amount of extra free time without having made a schedule so far how to fill those extra hours. It could be tricky, but with help of some list those hours can be filled without feeling lost or having a meltdown.

Doing fine so far, try to start blogging again. Wishing you a pleasant day!
Take care

Monday, August 31, 2009

Knock knock : it's me again...

Hi Everyone,
Hope you are all doing ok. I know some members of this hub have hard times now, I follow you through the mailinglist. Keep hope, things will be better!

Never thought I would be so busy. Lots of things to attend, lots of things to be experienced and many things to do in- and outside my home.

This weekend I pampered myself to a "hammam" visit, it's a typical Eastern/Moslim bath house. I wanted to be clean before I hit my 40th B-day next Sunday.
Mmmm this all feels very well, my body was very pleased to get rid of all those dirty things. It's a good way to clean your mind as well.

Now, I must go to bed. I will continue to blog here, but there first must be a kind of rest in my life again.

Take care,
Oant sjen (see you later= Frysian language)
Aspie Bird

O yes, my depression seems to have disappeared due to new medicine. However, autism sill sucks sometimes I can enjoy the good moments of life now better. Hug for you all!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Summer:Time to enjoy

In order not to loose my daily structure I have been working all weeks this summer. While people were away the silence of my office was wonderful. It's good to see all those people in the office again however.

Some ups and downs came upon my way, running up 'that' hill again took some time, but we made it again.

Lots of festivities to celebrate, this summer is ok.

If you might be anxious about my weight: I have never been fatter in my whole life. Actually I was a little proud when I reached my first kilogramme that is just above the BMI standard. That made my day. I finally felt like all the other woman.
Just amazing afer having been skinny for over 38 years.

Hope you are doing ok, your comments are very positive, thank you!


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Hello Again!

Hi There, Are you having a good summer time?
Lots of things happened in the past weeks, most of them were pleasant ones.

Hope you are doing ok. I am doing fine, no plans for holiday adventures so far.

Because of the summer time this blog will be updated twice week during from today till August 15th. not know which days ...just check the site, will you? Thank you!

Enjoy life!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Summer Moves On

Summer Time brings the joy of strawberries from my own garden, long evenings, and ofcourse Summer Holiday. One does not have to travel far to be able to enjoy Summer at it's best. Surrounded by nature and not too far away from culture, library, friends summer life is good. And what about just staying home and do some gardening? This year many Dutch people choose to spend their vacation in our own country because of the economic situation. This week it was announced that 1:10 people is expected to become jobless in 2010 in The Netherlands!! I feel lucky to have a regular income because of my Disabilty Insurance Act payment. Despite the negative news about the economic crisis, I realise that we live however in a rich (First) world. We do not have to worry about a daily struggle to get food, this week it was announced that more people than ever worldwide are said to suffer from lack of food.

Since my last blogpost lots of things happened. And many more things come up.
I will take a break from blogging daily from June 19th till July 21st, 2009.
When there is need to write, I'll write, but not on a daily base.
After this summer break, the blog will continue.

Wishing you all a perfect Summer!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Blogging Slow Life

Oops, this morning I realised that I had forgotten something yesterday...uh...well blogging... That means the line of daily blogs from January 1st till December 31st, 2009 has been interrupted...Ah.., kind of pity, but not a major disaster.

I might take a blogging time out these days, or my blogging will continue but on a low profile. A writers block, garden special interest and summertime are the reasons I write less about autism.

Will back soon, in a few days or so. After all, blogging is a kind of daily routine now...

Monday, June 08, 2009

Undetected autism in women manifests as anorexia nervosa

Undetected autism in women manifests as anorexia nervosa

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Autism & Food: Anorexia & Autism

There seems to be a link between Autism and Anorexia. Does not surprise me. The problems with eating, the low self esteem etc.

A GROWING appreciation of the links between anorexia and autism spectrum disorders has uncovered new opportunities for treating the eating disorder.

Mental health professionals are now attempting to train the brains of people with anorexia to be more flexible and to see the big picture as well as fine details. In doing so, they hope patients will be less inclined to obsess about body weight and calories and be better equipped to overcome their eating disorder in the long term, as well as gaining weight more immediately.

Last month, the international Academy for Eating Disorders published a paper calling for eating disorders (EDs) such as anorexia and bulimia to receive the same degree of healthcare as other biologically based mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) (International Journal of Eating Disorders, DOI: 10.1002/eat.20589). Other groups are even calling for anorexia to be placed in the same diagnostic category as autism spectrum disorders (ASD).

The main reason for this change is a growing understanding of the biological basis of EDs. Twin studies suggest that between 50 and 83 per cent of EDs have a genetic basis. Now, evidence suggests that people with anorexia have cognitive traits associated with ASD. "Eating disorders and autism spectrum disorders are obviously not the same thing, but they do have some things in common," says Janet Treasure of the Institute of Psychiatry in London.

Anorexia and autism are obviously not the same thing, but they have some things in common
Treasure had already discovered that anorexia was associated with extreme attention to detail and a rigid, inflexible style of thinking - traits also associated with ASD.

To investigate further, her team used neuropsychological tests to measure central coherence, or the ability to see the big picture as well as the finer details, in 42 women with anorexia and 42 without it. Women with anorexia had weaker central coherence, with a bias towards local, rather than global processing (International Journal of Eating Disorders, vol 41, p 143).

In a separate study, Treasure and her colleagues found that 45 per cent of people with anorexia or bulimia have problems "set-shifting", or modifying their behaviour in response to changing goals, compared to just 10 per cent of healthy people.

This type of focused thinking can be a beneficial skill, but when thinking becomes obsessive, for example, it can be destructive, says Treasure, who presented her results at a meeting of the British Psychological Society in Brighton, earlier this month.

In another series of studies, Treasure's team, together with Kate Tchanturia, also of the Institute of Psychiatry, assessed empathy, systemising ability, and other traits on the autistic spectrum in 22 women with anorexia and 45 without it. They found that although those with the eating disorder didn't differ from healthy women in terms of empathising or systemising, they did show elevated scores on other autistic traits like poorer social skills, and greater attention to detail (British Journal of Clinical Psychology, DOI: 10.1348/014466507x272475).

Simon Baron-Cohen of the Autism Research Centre in Cambridge, UK, is also measuring whether adolescents with anorexia score higher on autistic traits than healthy people, as he suspects that some of them may actually have undiagnosed Asperger's syndrome. "We have always known that Asperger's syndrome was diagnosed more often in males," he says. "The new question is whether it takes a different form in females, and can account for at least a subgroup of those who are diagnosed with anorexia."

If it does, this could have important implications for the way that anorexia is treated. "As well as treating the 'eating disorder' the clinician and the patient might [also] focus on social skills," says Baron-Cohen, although he adds that weight gain would remain a key target.

Tchanturia is already conducting a study in around 30 people with anorexia, who are having cognitive remediation therapy (CRT) to encourage flexible and bigger-picture thinking. For example, patients are given an exercise in which they have to summarise several pages of text, to practice seeing the gist rather than the details. "We're putting the focus on how people think, rather than what people think," says Tchanturia.

The technique has already had some success - in a pilot study of 19 patients with anorexia, 17 patients said they felt it helped them to think more flexibly - although it's too early to say whether it will help their anorexia in the long-term. "They found the treatment helpful in reducing their perfectionist tendencies and it helped them to see things more holistically," Tchanturia says (International Journal of Eating Disorders, DOI: 10.1002/eat.20536).

There are quite some interesting studies on this subject. Click on the title of this blogpost to be forwarded to another interesting article about Anorexia and Autism published in The Times, 2007.

Sunday, June 07, 2009


The strangest thing about empathy is that I still try to find the clue to solve this empathy mystery. It's just like finding the answer of a ever lasting riddle. In daily conversations I have noticed that lack of empathy is something I hate and which makes me very insecure. But please do not ask me to describe the empathy thing looks or sounds like, I can not tell you what it tastes like, it's just a grey hole of a missing brain link.

Today it was a lazy Sunday although I did some serious gardening from 09.30 till noon. The aftmernoon was filled with an unexpected visitor and that was ok, although it is a mirror having someone around because it makes clear that my social talk skills are not the way I want them to be. The empathy thing makes me missing lots of things I guess.

When the house was clean enough I decided to do some painting again. That was a long long time ago. An intense yellow feeling came over me.
Made 4 works with lots of colors. With the radio on I felt quite happy being in my own art studio.

While painting I got back the contact with my inner source. It was so good to do, although not everything I made was perfect I believe it is more important to create to let your thoughts find a way to express themselves. After the moment a shape has reached the paper a relief takes place. This was what bothered me. Now it has been translated into paint. A great way to express myself and flee me from autism worries.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

D-Day: Thank you Americans and Britons!

Thank you again for fighting our freedom! As today D-Day marked 65 years of remembrance I watched a news special about the service held close to the D-Day beaches in France. The speech President Obama held was very impressive and personal.
It was good to see Prince Charles was there as well.

Thank you America and Great Briton for fighting for our freedom. So many of your people have paid for our freedom with their lives!

Did not do that much today, my autism blogging inspiration might come back later after some serious cleaning has been done in both my gardens and my home. Cleaning gives room for new idea's they say.

Have a good weekend. Been to the library, 4 books to read! Can't wait to start!

Friday, June 05, 2009

Autism Reality

It is often said people with autism live in their own world.
I guess that is partly true. Autism is my shadow.

Sometimes life hurts. Counting my blessings. Sunshine, love, affection, kindness, blue sky, new horizons, new contacts, freedom of speech etc. etc.

Do not know what to tell you right now about my own world these moments.
It's dark in there. Been away but just these minutes the darkness is back.

Autism is not about what we can not do. It is about what we can and what we are.
We are good people. Pure. Each day is a blessing, even with autism.

Wishing you all goodnight. This weekend I might find inspiration for something interesting to write about.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Elections: Vote for Singles!

As one of the first countries, Holland has today the chance to vote for a new European Parlement. There are many issues that count for me, although The European Parlement seems to be far far away. Well that is an understatement for all political organizations I guess.

Many people with autism are singles. By choice or not the single life can sometimes be a lonely experience. Singles are often discriminated, e.g. the supplement one has to pay for a single room. It is good there are organisations like the Dutch C.I.S.A. (Centre for Individual and Society. Last year C.I.S.A. celebrated her 20th anniversary with a conference. One of the speakers that day was Mr.Alexander Pechtold, political leader of D'(emocrats) 66, one of the countries fast growing political parties. C.I.S.A. and D'66 have found one another, D'66 comes up for the rights of singles, in The Netherlands and promised to do the same in European Parlement.

I voted today for Mrs. Sophie in 't Veld, the D'66 European candidate.
To all European voters: please think about the singles!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009


Today my job coach and I, we are going to the presentation of the commercial in which I take part. I am curious to see what the producer made of it.
When possible I will show the commercial here.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Clouds passing by

Life is a journey. Each day can be the start of a new discovery. While gardening in my front garden I remove the grass which has grown between the tiles the freedom of mind once again comes alive. It feels like my inner source has something to tell me.
Being statisfied with the result (the path to my front door has never looked better since I live here) I stand and watch my garden. The birds are singing in the sky. The summer has begun. Clouds in the sky are passing by without disturbing the sunshine warmth.

This is life. In the silence of a summer evening I realise I might already have all the equipment needed for the journey through life.

It's all there it is just a matter of removing things that might block your way.
When I enter the house I almost immediately close the curtains. Goodbye World, although it is not dark yet, I close the connection with the outside world this way.

My inner source comes alive when sitting down the sofa afterwards. Wearing my pyjama I look around and let the thougths of life come alive. Life is good, and what does not belong to me or does not contribute to my growth, I just throw it away over my shoulder. Like clouds passing by. Autism is not that bad I guess, it makes your inner source create beautiful flowers for the future.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Autism & Food: They do not fit anymore

Due to my diet to gain we weight, I have reached a normal weight now.
The days I was skinny seem to be over. One of the things that comes with extra kilogrammes is the fact that many clothes do not fit anymore. It is frustrating trying a pair of trousers on and to discover half way that there is no way you fit into it. My bottom and hips and belly are bigger then ever! Proud of it, but somethimes grrr. I just want to wear my clothes. I just love them, those old clothes. Now I had to buy new clothes.

Well, anyway I am happy over all with my extra weight. Another difference has been solved, I am just like anyone else with my average weight now.

I have promised you to write about Anorexia and Autism because there seem to be many common things. But sorry, the weather is too good to stay long time online doing research and so. So next week, when everything is back to normal, I write about Anorexia and Autism, ok?

Have a good day,
Aspie Bird

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Unexpected Treasures

While travelling throughout the country today I had several unexpected conversations. It was fun. I might be more open to people. Feels good.
Feels good, interaction with other people! I cherish these moments like treasures.

Have fun, enjoy life.

Weather is super here! Warm and sunny!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Fun! Street Theatre Festival

There was much to enjoy at the Street Theatre Festival in the Frisian Capital Leeuwarden today. One of the acts was Les Goulus (The Horsemen) We saw the same act as on the video. I had a great day out with a good friend of mine. My street phobia has become less, or life was just better today. Even life with autism can be good.
Just watch this video, it's so funny hahahaha
Have fun!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Questions of Life

We all need one another. It is not true the people with autism live on another planet. Well, sometimes it feels that way. But if you put on your coat and enter the life offline and talk to people you will see that the world is full of unspoken words and many stories waiting to be told. People need People. It is as simple as that. Sometimes I wonder if people with autism do not make their life more complicated being so much time online. Let's be honest: computers and the internet itself has broaden the lives of people with autism. However, the other side is that we become strangers in a world which is willing to cherish us people with autism.

Sometimes life hurts. Sometimes society creates so much mess, misunderstanding, loneliness, pain and sadness we are not aware of because it can only be seen in those darkest hours of the night, when most of us sleep.

Open you mind, open your door and step towards the other. You only get one life, each day is a unique day itself. Believe in yourself like you believe in others.

And if darkness surrounds you, please know that everyone carries their own worries and sadness. Talk, write, create something that can others see how dark life is for you. Please notice your footsteps in life. Without a trace we can not find you to comfort you in those dark hours.

It has been nearly a month ago since the Queenday drama. No official report has been published yet. The incident first of all leaves me with questions and questions. It is just one of those things that makes life just hurt myself.

Take care

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Videoblog Autism and Relationships

I found this interesting video. Sorry about the previous video. This one is better.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Autism & Work: Writers block, Autism in China


It could be a writers block, just a small one I guess, but I have not idea whatshowever to write about Autism & Work today. There are many things to write about, and it's an interesting subject, but it just does not come out...

I leave you with a video about Autism in China.

Thanks for understanding,
Take care
Aspie Bird

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Autism and Identity

One of the most important and difficult issues in life is to find out what your identity is. It is not only a thing which lasts during puberty. If you have autism finding your way in life may be seen as an extra puzzle throughout life. In my opinion one's autism identity does change throughout the stages of life too. This is due to the stages of elderdom and the way our inner child grows.

If you are aware others find you different this can be painful. Among others you may often be surrounded by misunderstanding. Against this negative aspect of being different there is also a strong positive point. Your autism identity is very personal and unique just like every person with autism is. It can be feeled differently by people who are not officially diagnosed with autism, recently diagnosed with autism. The way you accept your autism and the way you handle life also creates your own autism identity.

People with autism are used to go our own way. This may make it easier for us to seperate from others and their opinions on how to deal with general issues. This source of own independent power people with autism carry with them kan be an important source of self esteem if you look for your own (autism) identity.

Your own autism identity is a pure thing. This is you, pure and unspoiled you. Be proud of it and try to make the best of it, let your inner autism child be heard and treat it well. You are worth it.

Monday, May 25, 2009


This monday no blogpost on Autism and Food due to personal circumstances. Nothing too serious, sometimes one needs to think and talk. Questions of life as a professional said today. Will blog next week about Anorexia and Autism, there seems to be a link somewhere. Thanks for visiting my weblog!

For now, I wish you a pleasant day or night.
Take care

Sunday, May 24, 2009


Sunday. End of the week, start of a new week. A day to be lazy. As temperatures are high this weekend in The Netherlands, there is much to enjoy. Just being lazy in the garden, do some gardening. It feels like even walking down the street is more relaxed because of the summer heat.

Here are some pictures of yesterday's sunset. Nothing much to tell you now, sometimes rest is best.

Saturday, May 23, 2009


Just as life is. Today the weather was perfect. High temperatures. Sunny sky along the country. Watched a beautiful sunset while daydreaming in the train home.

Sometimes you just have to enjoy life and life with autism too.

Take care

Friday, May 22, 2009

Thougts about Loneliness

You'll never walk alone. There is always someone with you. Walking with you through the path of life. This can be another person, but it can also be yourself.

If you spend much time alone (being e.g. a person with autism) loneliness can put your self esteem down. Don't let this happen. Remember loneliness is a mental thing and the gate to the world outside is always open. Sometimes it is just hard to see the way out, but a small step offline can be the beginning of a bigger adventure in real life.

After the Queensday incident in Holland last month a discussion about loneliness has been released. Several television programmes try to break through the silence about loneliness. Many people wrote letters about their loneliness, few dare to be filmed.

Autism life can be more lonely than others, due to the lack of communciations skills. I mean our autistic communications skills are often judged being different. Remember that loneliness is a common thing in our society. So the difference between the NT people and autism loneliness does not have to be that big.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Videoblog: 3 x Kim Peek -Rain Man

Video number 1/5

Number 2/5

Number 3/5:

I could not find video's number 4 and 5 on You Tube today. Will upload them next Thursday.

Click on the title of this blogpost to be forwarded to more video material about Kim Peek related to the movie Rain Man (1988).

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Autism & Employment: Self Advocacy

Been away all day, just got home. Have been throughout the country by rail. Beautiful. Young animals all over the place, sunny weather.

Recently I joined a group associated with the PAS, the Autistic Adults Society in The Netherlands. Next month I'll attend my first meeting. Self Advocacy is so important. Looking forward to it.

Thats it for today.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Autism & Grief

Tell me if I am wrong, but in my humble opinion many NT people might judgde the emotions of people with autism (secretly) as "being second hand". It is like a bit of " ahhh, poor auti, he of she has emotions too, we should take their emotions serious too..." Some NT people do play this game with people with autism. They do not want to disembarras themselves and do not want to be rude but their attitude is often a play which is easy to see through. Know what I mean? In my opinion many (high funtioning) people with autism do have the skills to express their emotions like sadness, joy, anger, shame, love and many more. We can feel those emotions, but the way we show them could be different. What do you think of the way people with autism handle grief?

These days once more the emotion of grief has touched my life. (I am sad because of what happened at the Queensday attack, an acquintance has died after his battle with cancer, I think a lot about my late brother and I think a lot about the parents of the man who drove 7 people to death and was killed himself, his parents live in a hell right now) All of this hurts. I know grief is a very personal thing and I feel grief does not always have to be negative. It's a way to express things. And when the tears have gone, something sweet remains. A loving memory of a idea to do (in future) to celebrate life.

In times of sadness tears make thoughts and pain visible. It's is a tough emotion, but the results are healing. Perhaps I mourn more intens than others because I do it so detailled.

Although talking with friends and family about grief shows their attitude towards mourning is not that different than mine, I must admit that I feel like my emotions are kind of "second hand". That is because how desperate I want myself to be able to handle and feel emotions just like NT people, I always have the feeling the handling of my emotions is different. Might have something to do with the fact that emotions sometimes only come up after having analysed things first. I hate this, I would like to offer people my instant empathy and sympathy and in times of grief comfort. Do you understand what I mean??

So grief does not have to be different for people with autism I think. It might just take some more time to let the emotions out.

And what about this:
I think if someone dies unexpectely that person is sad about his death as well, he will miss his loved on on earth. So it's not only the pain of we missing them. Actually a sad thought that we are not able to comfort a lost one on the pain he or she has missing us.

Take care!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Autism and Food: Breakfast

Breakfast, my favourite meal of the day. Time to start the engine again which keeps your body going. It's always a pleasure for me. It's a new start of the day. For a logn time porridge/oat has been my favourite thing to eat in the morning. These days there are breakfasts to drink too. Very handy if you have not that much time. Making a sandwich in the morning is too much work, the chewing process is not at it's best at breakfast. Usually the time around breakfast is the worst time of the day. Being very sensitive my mood has to switch from -7 to a hmmm life is not too bad +3. This might take some time and tears to get myself going. Do you know this too? Probably the most famous Breakfast is Breakfast at Tiffany's. Sorry I do not know much to write about autism and food toay. My mind is occupied with thoughts about life and death, about guilt and shame, about good and bad.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Sensitive Silent Sunday

So much emotions came up during the last couple of weeks, time for a relaxing Sunday.
Hehe. The battery needs to be reloaded. Time for a Sensitive and Silent Sunday. Yesterday was emotional but it was good to have been there at the memorial service. Finding a way to carry on in dark times is a individual thing. We can work it out, I am sure. Have a good sunday!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Just leave it that way

Sometimes life forces you to go on and not to look back. The past can not be changed. Today a memorial service is being held for someone I have known. He was always kind. Just a kind human being who did no one else harm.

The papers in Holland more and more publish stories about the man who caused the Queensday drama. It is very sad. The more you read about him, the more it seems he was caught in a mental prison. It is always a good thing to think about those people speaking of someone involved in a crime. Like you and me, everything we once tell one another could be used for everything, even years later for a 'objective'newspaper article. Can you consider someone telling his story anonymously as a close friend? Does it help the family? This man has driven 7 people to dead!! He was a killer. Where were all those 'friends' during the last months of his life? I try to leave the Queensday thing behind me, although it is difficult because it makes come back feelings of grief I had some years ago.

The man who will be remembered today was a warm, nice family man. Just a nice man.
Too bad that cancer took his life so young at the age of 74. May he R.I.P.

Sometimes life goes on, leave things just the way it is. We can not understand everything, and there is no need to know everthing about everybody, is it?

Death is a strange thing.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Autism in the Books

Countless times I have wondered about this, but I just can not get it. Can you tell me what the profit is of those books about autism making statements about what someone with autism should be capable of and the things that are likely to to be reached by autists?

One example is a piece of text I read in a book written by a so called autism professional. When speaking about a marriage of two people with autism, it was highlighted that the conversation between those two happy autists existed of sharing thoughts on computer programming software. What use is it to tell the world that those two people are just so happy sharing stories about computer programming software together? I think this is cumiliating. Many NT couples talk the same way and even about more nonsens things. Why does this have to be highlighted? I think this is discriminating. What do people want to tell us by telling us this story?

And what about all those lists of remarks of the do's and the don't s of people with autism. 'Most people with autism are likely to stay alone all their life, because they can not find a partner for life due to their lack of social skills'. This is wrong I guess. Writing this only hightlights the differences between the rest of the world and people with autism. It is also very hurtful for all people with autism to be jugded that way.

Most of these nonsens are written by professionals, happily married or at least in a relationship and earning lots of money. Let they mind their own business.
I do not need another label on my forehead like the Zoo: please do not feed them.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Video Review :The Curious Incident of the dog in the night time

For those of you who have not read this gorgeous book about a boy with autism yet written by Mark Haddon yet, here is a YouTube Review:

The book is a must read for all people who want to have a laugh when reading about autism.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Autism & Work: Poor People, Dropouts

A Dutch newspaper yesterday published an article about “working poor people”. For many people money is not the most important thing in their job. About shattered dreams, respect and meaningful ways to fill your life.

In Holland there seems to be a forgotten group of 1.5 million people . They work very hard in a very low paid regular job and earn just a minimum loan. An example of those working poor people is a Schiphol Airport, Amsterdam based cleaner . He was interviewed for the article and told he is sometimes just ignored as a human being during his job. He works 55 hours in 5 days, has two jobs and is often up to 16 hours a day from home. He is divorced and takes care of three home living children.

For many people interviewed for the newspaper article the thing they want to earn most is not money but respect and appreciation. During the past 15 years the general goal in the Netherlands was: Everyone who can work, MUST work . According to this idea people will make promotion in their jobs. This did not happen, a group of people did not make career and stayed in the jobs they do for years and years. The dream to give everybody a regular job with job opportunities shattered.

Autism and other disabilities often lead people to the lower fields of job society. We often stand on the lowest ladder. If we get a reglar job, it is unlikely we will have the opportunity to make career due to our autism features. Should we consider ourselves to belong to the working poor people?

What do you think is a better life? Working to the max and earning few money? Or the life of doing voluntary work and get a disability act payment ?

Recently I read a comment telling society now exists of 3 groups of people: The insiders, the outsiders and the dropouts. The insiders consists of the present elite with their power, tools and have the monopoly of well paid jobs in the government and industry. The outsiders consists of the people who benefit and facilitate the insiders. The dropouts are those who not belong to the insiders or the outsiders en who will never be a part of these groups. If an insider looses his job, or a part of his money, he is still a rich man. If an outsiders looses his job he will soon turn into a drop out.

Will we, people with disabilities be dropouts forever? Considering we belong to the group of employes who are likely to stay in the lower part of the job market, this is a thing what comes up? Hmm. I refuse to stay drop out. Wel lthat is the dream I have. I had a job, got a burn out, now I am a drop out I guess. Is there a way back to become outsider again? Or are we forced to stay Autsider forever?? What do you think?

And what about the dream to make your childs future a better one?
Many parents have the goal to make life for their children better than the life they have had themselves.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

You Shameless People!

Shame on you if you let the dark site of autism win! ;-)) Enjoy life! Here is a reason why being diagnosed and labeled with a disorder like autism has advantages!

Imagine you walking in the crowd. Among all those anonymous faces and hidden personalities passing by will be others with disabilties. People who drink too much, addicts from A till Z, objects called human beings who have abused people and animals in all kinds of ways, people with bad temper, wrong genes, narcists, liars or just other nasty habits.

Well, what do you know about those others walking by? Impairments are not always directly visible. Like autism many disorders often only can be experienced when dealing more with people. There are at least 50 others who should see a psychiatrist when you are in a crowd of 100, I think. So why bother about your autism? Autism is an easy to blame thing, and remember autism is 'hot'.

Most people who judge about others because they want to hide their own shortcomings, e.g. Holland is said to have at least 16 millions of psychologists(in 2008 we had 16.755.270 inhabitants) and many of them have not a clue where they are talking about. It is a mass addiction playing 'Miss Derrick Marple Holmes".

Today I realised that it was almost like I got a psychiatrist "for free extra" with my "7-UP sponsored" autism diagnosis. It might sound strange, but due to the regular contact with mental health care the step to ask professionals for help when I need them, has become much smaller.

In my opinion this shameless asking for professional help is one of the advantages of my diagnosis. I must admit that this might be easier for me due to background of our family. My parents both worked in the workfield of health care.

I do not envy people who have never dared to set the first step to get professional help. They keep on struggling with their daily life. Some shop online posting their problems on all kinds of internet fora due to their fear to be seen (once) in a psychologists waiting room. I have people in my surrounding who desperately need help but they refuse to take the first step.

So be happy, due to the rollercoaster circus your autism diagnosis has lead you through you probably can handle shame better than others. Shameless people, that is what I want people with autism to be. Just be pure and yourself.

Lets go. Enjoy life. The sun is shining, time flies and we are just here to love and to be loved. Make the most of your gifted life. Do not let autism be a word written on your forehead. The world is full of hidden secrets. Just go with the flow. Keep it simple and do not forget to laugh about life.

I know life with autism is not always easy. I know sometimes it seems someone with autism can feel so desperate, lonely and tired. But trust me, things will be ok.
Acceptance has to grow from seed to flower. You should be shameless people!! Remember, shameless!

Here are some pictures of flower pots in my front garden. Enjoy!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Autism & Food: Love

Food. For years dinner time was a crime for me. My head too full of things I had to sit and eat. Meanwhile the social things were happening around me. Often I disliked food. During the years food has become more and more a positive thing for me. I guess this has become this way because I could eat all by myself (by growing up and living on my own). Today food and sensory overload are no longer a combination in my thoughts. And now, I see the beauty of food. It took me years and lots of blood, sweat and tears. These days the view of food no longer causes a blockade in my mind, but it makes me imagine what it might taste like.

This weekend a dear friend gave me some old cooking books. The picture on top of this blogpost is just one of the pictures inside. Gosh, we are so lucky to have plenty of food for us!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mothersday:'Autism' Mums

This weekend has been a very social weekend. Visited two ladies, each of them with her own story. Both were seniors. Because of mothers day, my friend nr 2. and I went to see the Keukenhof. We had a gorgeous day !!! The weather was sunny, temperatures were great and it was sooo nice to see all those flowerbeds!

Thoughts about autism-mothers
Having a child with autism is such a challenge for a mum. The child needs so much extra care and such an intensive support mum often can feel like a battery discharging. The battery of mum’s energy simply can not be empty, because there is no one else who can take over her job as mother.

I deeply respect my own mum J. who has raised me up to the woman I am now. It is so important for the mothers of today’s young children to get a diagnose. This may not only give the child the care it needs but gives mum also the opportunity to get in touch with other women struggling with probably similar problems. After the diagnosis, mum does not always have to stand alone in her job as caregiver/mum/support and this can relief her life task a bit.

Being mum of someone with autism is a life long job. Kids grow up, mums grow older. There might be a day mum will not be alive anymore. It is very important that the care needed by someone with autism can be continued. In my own case I have the plan to write a A-Z life book in which my mum (with my dads help) can write down her opinions about the care needed for me/or the way she handles to communicate with me.

This might sound a bit like I need a lot of care. That’s not true. But it seems a good idea to write down the tricks which have become life habits during raising me up.

My mummy, You are the sweetest and the best mum I could ever have!
I am so proud of you!

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